Listen, tha only reason I be goin outta mah way ta tell any of y'all dis is cuz tha rap "Jane tha Killer" is startin ta piss me off.
My fuckin real name is Jane Arkensaw, a.k.a. "Jane tha Killer" n' dis is how tha fuck I kicked it wit Jeff, tha reason I look tha way I do, n' why I wanna bust a cap up in his muthafuckin ass.
When I heard dat a freshly smoked up crew had moved up in across tha street, I wasn't dat surprised. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dat shiznit was a sick hood, n' tha doggy den was relatively skanky thankin bout where it was. I guess I was bout 13-14 when every last muthafuckin thang went ta hell.
I never straight-up talked ta Jeff when he moved in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. To be frank I never talked ta his ass untill... dat night. But itz too soon ta rap bout dat now, nahmeean, biatch? My fuckin first impresstion of Jeff was dat da thug was a phat kid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Probably gots sick grades, rarely gots tha fuck into fights, maybe even a cold-ass lil def muthafucka if he opened up ta one of mah thugs.
His brutha Liu, seemed like he put crew first by tha way da perved-out muthafucka sat wit his brutha on tha sidewalk. Of course I was just guessin all up in tha time n' straight-up didn't put much thought tha fuck into mah analisys cuz I was gettin locked n loaded fo' school when I looked up tha window n' I was hustlin late, which was unsual fo' me at dat time up in mah game cuz I was hardly eva late fo' anything. Especially school.
I wasn't surprised when I saw Randy n' his stooges go up ta Jeff n' Liu on dat wack skateboard of his. Randy was not a god damn thang but a funky-ass bully, he always picked on mah playas whoz ass was smalla than his muthafuckin ass.
Dude was even tha reason why mah muthafathas drove me ta school instead of tha lettin me take tha bus like any suckas. Everyone had they lunch scrilla or some kind of chedda given ta Randy n' his wild lil' freakadelic goons cuz of some "toll" dat da ruffneck demanded from everyone.
We all knew Randyz crew had knives n' threatened ta use dem on our asses we eva holla'd at mah playas bout tha scrilla they took from tha other lil playas on tha block. Everyone, except tha freshly smoked up lil playas they was tryin tha intimidate like tha rest of us.
When I saw Randy rappin' ta dem all up in tha window I just looked away. Dat shiznit was wussy thang ta do but. I had betta thangs ta do than peep another kid hand over his crazy-ass scrilla ta Randy. But curiositizzle gots tha betta of me n' I looked up all dem secondz later n' shit. What I saw left me speechless. Jeff was standin now, n' it looked like Randy already had what tha fuck da thug wanted.
"Just sit tha fuck down," I thought, "Don't be stupid".
Then I saw Jeff punch Randy up in tha grill n' break his wrist.
"Oh mah god." I whispered. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Then I yelled, "Yo ass Idiot!"
My fuckin muthafathas ran down tha stairs n' axed what tha fuck happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Then they looked outside n' saw what tha fuck was goin on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Jeff had already cut tha skinny muthafucka, I be thinkin his name was Keith, n' da thug went down screaming. Troy only went down wit a single punch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Since mah doggy den was across tha street from where Jeff n' his brutha was chillin, wit tha front of tha doggy den havin big-ass windows, we saw tha whole thang. Or at least I did, mah muthafathas came up in afta tha part where Randy stole they wallet, so they didn't give a fuck tha whole truth.
Dat shiznit was disturbin watchin Jeff fight yo. Dude was trippin' off his dirty ass too much. I felt a knot up in mah stomach like suttin' was goin down dat shouldn't be, n' from tha look on Liuz face, Jeff didn't do dis kind of thang often. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Next thang I know I hear sirens n' tha freshly smoked up lil playas bolted outta there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Da cops came round wit tha bus driver ta check on tha "suckas". Well shiiiit, it seemed they was goin ta be aiiiight.
Yo ass know, thankin bout tha amount of crap kicked outta em.
Since mah parentz policy was "no cops" eva since mah daddy gots framed by a narc cop when da thug wanted ta draw attention off of his dirty ass when five-o where investigatin tha case of tha missin coke. Well shiiiit, it ended wit mah daddy quittin tha force. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So when our crazy asses heard sirens we went tha fuck into tha backyard gots tha fuck into tha hoopty n' left.
When mah muthafathas drove me ta school they holla'd at mah crazy ass straight-up clearly dat they didn't want me rappin' ta Jeff eva n' shit. I did not disagree wit em.
I had art first period so I didn't peep Jeff untill close ta tha end of school. I can still peep tha flavas up in mah artwork if I be thinkin hard enough cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. But when I try ta peep anythang now, all dat shiznit seems gray. I guess thatz tha price one of mah thugs pays fo' losin they innocence.
I didn't peep Jeff untill tha final period of tha day. It make me wanna hollar playa! When I did da perved-out muthafucka seemed... off fo' realz. At first I thought da thug was just fakin tha joy so playas wouldn't suspect his ass fo' tha crime dat da ruffneck done did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! But he straight-up was trippin' off his dirty ass. Well shiiiit, it wasn't cuz da thug was buckwild ta be up in dis muthafucka I could tell dat much from his muthafuckin ass. Da smile da thug wore looked sadistic ta mah dirty ass. Dat shiznit was tha smile of a madman. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da second dat bell rang I bolted up dem doors as fast as I could. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! No Muthafucka but me knew what tha fuck Jeff straight-up was fo' realz. A freak.
Da next dizzle seemed ta be passin without incident at first. Then I saw tha five-o hoopty up in front of Jeffz house.
"Looks like they gots yo thugged-out ass." I thought.
No Muthafucka could gotten away wit suttin' like dat (Yo ass know, wit tha hood peep n' every last muthafuckin thang.). But I was wack wit whoz ass they arrested. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. Instead of comin up wit Jeff like I expected they would, tha five-o came up wit Liu, his brother.
I was barely formin tha thought of Jeff framin his brutha fo' tha assult when his schmoooove ass came outta tha doggy den yellin at Liu, "Liu tell dem I did dat shiznit son!" (I was able ta hear his ass dis time cuz tha front door was open ta mah house.).
I couldn't hear what tha fuck Liu holla'd up in reply ta Jeffz outburst yo, but dat shiznit was definately not what tha fuck Jeff wanted ta hear fo' realz. A few secondz later, tha five-o drove off wit Liu, n' Jeff was left outside wit his crazy-ass mutha n' shiznit fo' realz. A few minutes lata dat biiiiatch went inside tha doggy den n' left Jeff outside fo' realz. Although I couldn't hear his ass from across tha street, I could tell dat da thug was bustin up.
But whoz ass wouldn't be up in dat thang.
Da next dizzle rumors was spreadin like wildfire bout Liu fo'sho. Well shiiiit, it took so long fo' tha rumors ta git started cuz mah playas was afraid ta rap bout Randy getttin his thugged-out ass handed ta his muthafuckin ass. When dat shiznit was revealed dat da thug wouldn't be comin back ta school fo' all dem days, mah playas decided ta take advantage of dat fact n' trip off it as much as possible, n' fuckin shitloadz of random bullshit started poppin up.
"I heard Liu cut off Troyz arm!"
"Oh yeah, biatch? Well I heard dat Liu hit Keith so hard up in tha stomach dat he ralphed up blood!"
"Thatz nothing! I heard dat da perved-out muthafucka socked Randy so hard up in nozzle dat it came up tha back of his head!" n' etc, etc, etc.
Personally I didn't want anythang ta do wit Jeff or his brutha n' shit. But... he just looked so ridin' solo n' upset dat I had ta do something. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So I freestyled his ass a note spittin some lyrics ta his ass dat dat schmoooove muthafucka had a gangbangin' playa up in dis place n' dat I was goin ta reprazent at Liuz trial bout what tha fuck straight-up happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I left tha note at his fuckin lil' desk signed wit tha letta "J" before class started, then left tha room. When I came back Jeff was at his fuckin lil' desk n' tha note was gone.
Saturdizzle rolled round n' I was home ridin' solo while mah muthafathas was at work. Da kid next door was havin a funky-ass birthdizzle party fo' realz. At tha time I left mah window open cuz I wanted a sick breeze up in mah room while I did mah homework. But tha lil playas was gettin so bangin dat I decided ta close mah window. I was bout ta close it when I saw Jeff playin wit tha lil playas yo. Dude was hustlin round bustin one of dem fake cowboy basebizzle caps n' carryin a toy gun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude looked so wack I had ta laugh.
"Maybe he aint tha monsta I be thinkin he is." I thought, ashamed of mah dirty ass fo' suspectin his schmoooove ass could done been one.
As I was closin tha window, I saw Randy, Keith, n' Tony jump over tha fence on they skateboardz ta where Jeff was.
"Not again!" I holla'd ta tha open window.
I saw Randy n' Jeff exchange lil' small-ass rap but I couldn't hear what tha fuck they holla'd over tha sound of tha lil playas yellin n' screaming. Then Randy rushed at Jeff n' tackled his muthafuckin ass. I was bout ta grab tha beeper n' dial 911 when I heard Tony n' Keith shout, "No one interups or guts will fly!" I looked up tha window again n' again n' again n' saw dat they both had matchin glocks up in they hands. I couldn't have called fo' help then without indangerin tha livez of others. I couldn't have called 911 anyway, tha batteries up in mah beeper was dead as fuckin fried chicken.
Jeff was on his side gettin kicked by Randy up in tha grill when he grabbed his wild lil' foot n' twisted dat shit. Randy fell tha fuck over n' Jeff tried ta strutt back ta tha doggy den when Troy grabbed his ass by tha collar n' threw his ass towardz tha house. I heard glass breakin n' I knew then dat they was goin ta bust a cap up in his muthafuckin ass.
"Randy you asshat!" I screamed at his muthafuckin ass. But his schmoooove ass couldn't hear me over tha sound of tha lil playas screaming.
I couldn't wait no mo', so I ran ta mah parentz bedroom n' searched fo' mah dadz cellphone, hopin dat he forgot it at home. My fuckin ass was poundin up in mah chest, knowin dat tha longer it took fo' me ta git help, tha higher tha chizzle of one of mah thugs gettin capped was. I finally found tha beeper underneath tha bed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I wasted no time punchin up in tha numbers.
"I need help there be a a emergency goin on next door playa! Some muthafuckas jumped tha fence n' is whoopin up one of mah thugs biaaatch! They've gots glocks you need ta hurry please!"
"Okay miss I need you ta tell me tha address n' I be bout ta bust help right away."
I quickly holla'd at her mah address n' tha address of tha doggy den next door.
"Please hurry!" I holla'd.
"It aint nuthin but all gravy just stay on tha lin-" BANG BANG BANG!
I heard bangin gunshots come from next door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. I yelped n' dropped tha phone, it landed on tha ground n' broke. Then I ran ta mah bedroom window ta try n' figure up what tha fuck was goin on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. But no sooner had I poked mah head up tha window I heard tha woosh of a gangbangin' fire n' tha screaming... I be goin ta make Jeff scream like dat again n' again n' again when I find his muthafuckin ass. Da only thang I can compare it ta is tha dirtnap cry of a animal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Dat shiznit was all up in tha time fo' me horrfiying. But now it soundz like noize ta me n' there is not a god damn thang I wanna hear mo' up in tha ghetto than his ass screaming.
I saw fire spew outta tha doggy den like a mad salty dragon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I ran downstairs immediantly n' gots tha portable fire extingusher from tha kitchen n' ran outside fo' realz. As I was hustlin I popped tha pin fo' tha extingusher fo' immediant use. Luckily tha door was unlocked as I barged up in but when I saw Jeff, I completly froze.
Dude was lyin all up in tha bottom of tha stairs almost completly on fire wit adults tryin ta put it out. I saw bitz of his skin all up in all tha commotion. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Some parts pink, some parts charred yo, but dat shiznit was all covered up in red. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! At tha sight of all dis I screamed n' then I passed out. Last thang I remember be a shitload of tha adults hustlin towardz mah dirty ass. Whether dat shiznit was ta help me or git tha fire extinguisher I don't give a gangbangin' fuck.
When I came ta I was up in a hospitizzle bed bustin one of dem gowns dat a patient wears fo' realz. A nurse came up in all dem moments later n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch had long brown afro up in a funky-ass bun hidden under her hat. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch looked like her dope ass didn't wanna be there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. I axed her what tha fuck happened.
"All I know is dat you was brought up in wit all dem other lil playas cuz you fell tha fuck n' hit yo' head on a gangbangin' fire extinguisher." her big-ass booty holla'd, annoyed.
"A fire extinguisher?" I reached up mah hand n' touched mah head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I felt bandages n' a big-ass bump tha size of a orange. Then I remembered Jeff. "One of tha muthafuckas dat came up in here wit me, tha one wit tha burns, is he goin ta be aiiiight?"
Bitch sighed, "Listen, there was two thugs dat was brought up in wit you dat had burns, n' no I aint lettin you peep his ass just cuz he yo' boyfriend."
I felt tha heat rise up in mah face. "Dude aint mah pimp hommie! I be just worried bout him! Wouldn't you be worried bout one of mah thugs whoz ass you just saw burnin kickin it up in front of yo slick ass?!" I tried ta keep mah voice steady yo, but mah voice quivered enough ta make it sound like I was lying.
"Whatever n' shit. Yo crazy-ass muthafathas is here by tha way. Wanna peep them?" she asked.
"Yes, of course!" anythang ta git me away from dat nurse.
My fuckin muthafathas came up in n' tha nurse finally left. They axed what tha fuck happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I holla'd at dem every last muthafuckin thang. Da fight, tha note, all of dat shit.
"I knew dat Randy was no good!" mah momma holla'd.
"So have you heard anythang bout Jeffz condition?" I asked.
"Fuck dat shit, not a thang," holla'd mah dad, "we just gots here as soon as our crazy asses heard bout what tha fuck happened ta yo thugged-out ass."
"But whoz ass holla'd at yo slick ass?" I asked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I didn't be thinkin I saw mah playas all up in tha jam dat mah crew knew.
"Da hospitizzle called us." momma holla'd.
"Well I guess dat make sense." it made absolutley no sense ta me of course yo. How tha fuck would one of mah thugs be able identify me without me havin any form of identification.
I looked up in tha doorway n' saw a playa n' a biatch standin up in there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. My fuckin muthafathas followed mah gaze n' saw dem like a muthafucka.
"Excuse me yo, but is dis Jane Arkensawz room?" tha biatch asked.
"Yes yes y'all." mah mutha answered, "Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck is yo slick ass?"
"I be Margret, n' dis is Peter, mah homeboy." she gestured ta tha playa beside her n' shit. "We Jeffz muthafathas."
I sat up in mah bed.
"I be Isabelle, dis is mah homeboy Greg, n' our daughta Jane." momma gestured ta mah dirty ass.
"So, you tha hoe whoz ass ran up in wit tha fire extinguisher." Margret holla'd.
"Yes yes y'all." I replied on tha fuckin' down-lowly, embarassed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Is yo' lil hustla aiiiight?"
"Dude just came outta surgery all dem minutes ago. Da doctors holla'd da thug is ghon be fine."
I chillaxed at dat thought. "Thatz good." I holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Listen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I know what tha fuck happened ta Jeff n' Liu on they first dizzle of school..." then I holla'd at Jeffz muthafathas what tha fuck straight-up happened ta Randy n' his crew.
"Our thugged-out asses had no clue dat Jeff was capable of suttin' like all dis bullshit." Peta holla'd.
"I be willin ta reprazent dat Liu didn't beat up mah playas n' dat Jeff only beat up Randy n' his wild lil' freakadelic gang up in self-defence."
"No need," holla'd Margret, "Liu is bein busted out from jail afta what tha fuck happened ta dem thugs."
"Thatz good." I holla'd.
"Us playas just came ta say fuck you fo' tryin ta help our son, Jane. Well shiiiit, it warms mah ass ta peep selfless playas up in yo' generation."
I blushed, "I did anythang mah playas whould have done up in mah thang." I looked down, "I aint a hero."
"Nonsense!" Margret holla'd, "Da least we can do is invite you over ta our place fo' dinner when Jeff gets outta tha hospitizzle!"
I looked at momma n' dad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "It would be a honor." My fuckin momma holla'd.
"It aint nuthin but settled then! We bout ta call you as soon as Jeff gets outta tha hospitizzle." we holla'd our peace outs n' then they left.
Bout 2 minutes passed n' I was allowed ta be busted out from tha hospitizzle. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Durin dat time I had no contact wit Jeff or his crew yo, but I heard dat Liu was busted out from jail n' Jeffz woundz was healing.
When I gots back ta school, I became tha centre of attention, mo' or less cuz I was tha only one whoz ass saw what tha fuck happened all up in tha party. But tha only playas I holla'd at bout what tha fuck happened was mah playas: Dani, Marcy, n' Erica. I didn't give a fuck what tha fuck ta tell dem so I holla'd at dem what tha fuck I saw.
"Soundz like Jeff gots his thugged-out ass handed ta his muthafuckin ass." holla'd Dani, dat freaky freaky biatch had raven-black hair, wit sapphire-blue eyes. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch was probably da most thugged-out level-headed of us.
"Well at least da thug went down fighting. I heard tha pimpin' muthafucka took dem idiots ta tha hospitizzle wit his muthafuckin ass." Erica snickered. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch always dressed like dat biiiiatch was from tha 80z or something. Long, thigh-high rainbow colored socks, wit afro ta match, n' always bustin some kind of backpack wit her muthafuckin ass.
"Dude also took Jane ta tha hospitizzle. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Maybe dat biiiiatch was tryin ta beat his ass up like a muthafucka." Marcy laughed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch seemed ta be tha "girly-girl" of our lil group. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch was blond wit brown eyes, n' nearly everytime we saw her, dat freaky freaky biatch had somesort of pink on her n' shit. Whether dat shiznit was tha color of her shirt, or tha jewlery round her neck, n' dat biiiiatch was one of tha freshest drama-queens I knew fo' realz. Always strechin up tha real deal or blowin suttin' outta proportion.
"I holla'd at you, I went over there ta try n' help Jeff cuz suttin' was wrong." I muttered. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I was tha "plain-jane", brown hair, green-eyes, straight-up unremarkable looks wise.
"Or maybe... Yo ass wanted ta peep yo' ludd one last time before he left ta go git help fo' his dirty ass." Marcy holla'd up in her dramatic voice.
I just looked at her wit mah eyes tha size of dinner plates.
"Yo ass can't deny it Jane Arkensaw! Yo ass gotz a cold-ass lil crush on Jeff!"
Every bloodcell up in mah body decided ta migrate ta mah grill at once when her big-ass booty holla'd dis shit.
"What?! No! I j-just wanted ta help his ass thatz all!"
"Liar playa! I saw you leave dat note you left on his fuckin lil' desk! What was it, biatch? A confesssion of yo' ludd fo' him?"
"No! Dat shiznit was not a god damn thang like dat at all! I was just-"
"So you admit you left his ass a note then!"
"What do you mean?"
"I was guessing." she gave me a cold-ass lil cynical lil smile n' then just waited fo' mah responce.
Da other hoes started bustin up all up in mah face.
"Jane itz only a joke biaaatch! I was just kidding!" Marcy smiled.
"Yo crazy-ass grill is redder than a tomato!" Erica cackled.
"I don't give a fuck bout all of yo thugged-out ass." I grumbled.
"Oh, stop bein so serious!" Dani put a hand on mah shoulder n' shit. "Come on, letz git ta class."
Da weeks went by, every last muthafuckin thang seemed ta be normal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. I be thinkin Liu even made all dem playas. Everythang was aiiight n' not a god damn thang happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Then Liu came up ta me one dizzle n' holla'd at mah crazy ass bout Jeff.
"Excuse me, yo' name is Jane right?"
I turned round n' looked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dat shiznit was Liu.
"Yes yes y'all. Yo ass is Liu right, biatch? Jeffz brother?"
"Yeah." he looked a lil uncomfortable. Then again, so was I. "Look mah muthafathas wanted mah crazy ass ta rap dat Jeff is gettin his bandages removed up in all dem days, so expect a funky-ass beeper call invitin you ta dinner soon."
"Okay, well, thank-you." I holla'd.
Dude was bout ta turn away when I holla'd, "Yo, listen, what tha fuck you did fo' Jeff... dat was straight-up respectable."
"Thanks. I heard you tried ta help mah brutha wit a gangbangin' fire extinguisher n' shit. That was cool."
"Yeah, biatch? Well props. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. See you around, I guess."
I was watchin his ass strutt away when I heard a lil voice beside me say, "Cheatin on yo' pimp is yo slick ass?"
"Da fuck?!" I turned around, surprised. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dat shiznit was Marcy.
"And wit his own brutha none tha less!" she fake gasped.
"Shut-up!" I yelled. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Then I turned mah head ta make shizzle Liu didn't hear mah dirty ass yo. Dude didn't.
"Lets just git ta class." I grumbled.
Two minutes passed until tha beeper rang. My fuckin momma answered it fo' realz. A few minutes lata she gots off n' holla'd at mah crazy ass this:
"Jeff is gettin outta tha hospitizzle todizzle Jane."
I looked up at her n' holla'd, "Thatz pimped out!"
"It be lookin like we'll be havin dat free dinner up in all dem days!" dat thugged-out biiiatch chuckled.
A few minutes passed n' I heard a cold-ass lil hoopty pull tha fuck into a thugged-out drive-way across tha street. I looked up tha window n' saw Jeffz hoopty up in front of its house.
"Jeffz home." I thought. I decided ta peep outta curosity, ta peep what tha fuck da thug would look like. Dear god how tha fuck wack I was.
His daddy gots out. Then his crazy-ass momma. Then Liu fo'sho. But what tha fuck I expected Jeff ta be lookin like couldn't be farther from what tha fuck I saw yo. Dude had long black afro down ta his shoulders, white, leathery skin, n' dat smile... dat smile was tha same ol' dirty smile I saw when da thug was up in class afta his thugged-out lil' punk-ass beat up Randy, Keith, n' Tony.
But Jeff looked right all up in mah face. Into mah eyes I could feel dem souless, sadistic eyes burn right tha fuck into mah ass. I still shake from tha memory even now as I type all dis bullshit yo. Dude seemed ta be lookin all up in mah grill fo' minutes wit dat smile untill he looked away. I saw his ass strutt tha fuck into tha doggy den wit his thugged-out lil' muthafathas. I didn't even breathe untill dat door finally closed behind em. My fuckin muthafathas came tha fuck into tha livin room n' axed mah crazy ass what tha fuck was wrong.
My fuckin only reply was a long, loud, scream. Then I fainted.
When I finally woke up, dat shiznit was dark outside. My fuckin muthafathas weren't up in they bedroom. Da doggy den was dirtnaply on tha fuckin' down-low. I gots up n' went downstairs. I was bustin a long-ass nightgown dat I wasn't bustin before I fainted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. I went downstairs ta tha kitchen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da lights was on, which was unusual, mah muthafathas always holla'd at mah crazy ass ta turn off tha lights up in a room when I left dat shit.
There was a note on tha table.
I picked it up.
Scrawled on tha paper was this:
''Aren't you comin ta dinner, biatch? Yo crazy-ass playaz is here like a muthafucka."
I fuckin started ta shake violently. I dropped tha paper n' shit. I went ta tha livin room window n' looked out. Da lights was on up in Jeffz house. I knew dat I had ta go there yo, but I was terrified outta mah mind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I shook mah head n' looked back again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I saw Jeff leanin on tha window up in his fuckin lil' doggy den starin all up in mah grill wit a knife up in his hand n' tappin it against tha window.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Dude was still smiling.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
I started steppin back from tha window, never takin mah eyes off of his muthafuckin ass. Then I turned n' ran away from tha window tha fuck into tha kitchen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. When I peaked outta tha kitchen ta look up tha window, all I saw was a smear of red on tha window.
I turned round n' looked all up in tha kitchen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Everythang seemed ta be up in its place. Even tha knives. I grabbed one of dem n' held on tight. Then I found tha beeper n' tried ta dial 911. But tha beeper line was diconnected. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. I had no clue where dadz cell beeper was, or if dat shiznit was even fixed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I didn't wanna go upstairs ta find dat shit. I didn't wanna git jabbed up in tha back while I was lookin fo' it; n' if I went ta ask one of tha neighbors fo' help, Jeff could bust a cap up in or hurt whoever dat schmoooove muthafucka have captive. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So there was only one chizzle. To go fight Jeff ridin' solo.
I clutched tha knife tighta n' went ta tha front door, put on mah shoes, n' went outside. My fuckin hand lingered on tha doorknob as I stepped outside. But I knew what tha fuck I had ta do. I let go of tha doorknob n' marched across tha street ta Jeffz house.
As I gots closer ta front door of his fuckin lil' doggy den I fuckin started ta slow down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. My fuckin knees fuckin started ta shake, mah palms fuckin started ta sweat, n' I started ta breathe fasta n' shallower n' shit. before I knew it I was standin completly still on tha front stoop pantin like a thugged-out dog. I manned up grabbed tha doorknob squeezed mah eyes shut n' jerked it open.
I stood there up in tha doorway wit a knife up in mah right hand n' tha doorknob up in mah left, too terrified ta open mah eyes. Untill I heard a voice say, "Looks like you made dat shit. I be glad you did, playa." I opened mah eyes. Then screamed.
His eyes was big-ass n' unblinking, n' his smile was red. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude had carved a smile tha fuck into his wild lil' grill biaaatch! His threadz was covered up in blood, n' then I passed out.
When I raised up I was at a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dinin room table. My fuckin knife was gone, n' when I looked up, I saw playas chillin all up in tha table. Dat shiznit was mah muthafathas, Jeffz muthafathas, his brutha Liu, n' mah playas. They was all dead as fuckin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. With smilez carved tha fuck into they faces n' big-ass red cavitizzles up in they chests, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Da smell was unbearable, itz indescribable... unlike anythang I had eva smelled before. Dat shiznit was tha smell of dirtnap.
I tried ta scream but I had a gag up in mah grill n' I was tied ta a cold-ass lil chair. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. I looked round all up in tha room up in disbeleif. Tears was wellin up in mah eyes from tha sight n' smell of tha bodies.
"Look whoz finally awake."
I turned n' looked beside mah dirty ass. Jeff was there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. I tried beatboxin but tha gag was up in tha way. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Suddenly da thug was beside wit tha knife against mah throat.
"Shhhhhhh, shush, shush, shush. It aint nuthin but not polite ta scream at playas." his thugged-out lil' punk-ass fuckin started slidin tha blade across mah face. Repeatingly tracin invisible lines from tha cornerz of mah grill up mah cheeks up in a big-ass grinnin smile. I shivered as da ruffneck did all dis bullshit. When I turned away from his ass he grabbed tha back of mah head n' forced mah crazy ass ta peep tha scene all up in tha table. "Now, now, don't be rude, you insultin mah playas by not lookin at they pretty faces."
I looked back all up in tha table, lookin at mah playas wit they faces carved tha fuck into smilez n' some wit they chests still bleedin fresh blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Hot tears fuckin started hustlin down mah grill n' I fuckin started ta sob.
"Awww whatz wrong?" Jeff purred, "Is you upset dat you don't look dope like them?"
I looked at him, tryin ta KNOW what tha fuck da perved-out muthafucka holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! But I looked away when I saw his wild lil' grill again n' again n' again n' looked back ta tha table.
"Don't worry, I be bout ta make you look dope like a muthafucka. What do you say?" tha pimpin' muthafucka then slid tha knife under tha gag n' cut it off.
I spat up tha gag n' looked at his ass straight up in his wild lil' fuckin eyes, tryin ta hold his wild lil' freakadelic gaze yo. Dude tilited his head ta tha side as he looked back all up in mah face. Then I shut mah eyes n' looked away from his muthafuckin ass. Then I muttered darkly, "Go fuck yo ass." then I turned ta peep his ass again, "Yo ass Joker reject!"
Dude just laughed up in mah face. I prefered it when he just smiled.
"Yo ass is even funnier than I thought."
Dude came closer ta mah dirty ass. I looked away again, feelin his breath against mah skin.
"Playas do Playas favors right, biatch? Well I be goin ta do a gangbangin' favor fo' yo thugged-out ass."
I felt his ass let go of tha back of mah head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! When I looked back da thug was outta tha room. I looked back all up in tha table once more, takin all dat shiznit in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Fresh tears started ta come down mah grill again n' again n' again as I remembered mah crew n' playaz whoz ass was kickin it only all dem minutes ago. I was still bustin up like a biatch when Jeff came back.
"Don't cry like a muthafucka." da perved-out muthafucka holla'd, "It'll be all over soon."
I looked down at his ass n' saw da thug was holdin a jug of bleach n' a cold-ass lil can of gas.
My fuckin eyes widened n' I looked back at his muthafuckin ass.
"I didn't have any alchohol, so dis will gotta do."
Then his thugged-out lil' punk-ass fuckin started ta douse me up in bleach n' gasolene.
"Our thugged-out asses had betta hurry, Jane. Ya Mom shoulda told ya, I already called tha firemen."
Then dat schmoooove muthafucka held up a single match.
Lit dat shit.
Then threw it all up in mah face.
Da flames erupted as soon as tha match came tha fuck into contact wit mah dirty ass. I screamed as bangin as possible. Da pain was unbearable. I could feel tha flesh meltin off mah body, tha heat invadin every last muthafuckin pore up in mah body. Blood evaporin up in its veins, n' mah bones becomin charred n' brittle.
Before I blacked out, I heard Jeff laughing, "See you lata mah playa hommie! I hope you become as dope as I am! AHAHAHAHA!"
Then every last muthafuckin thang went black.
When I raised up I was chillin up in a hospitizzle bed, bandaged from head ta toe. Everythang was spinning, n' it hurt ta blink, n' breathe.
I looked round n' saw a empty room. I groaned loudly cuz mah grill was bandaged. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Everythang hurt fo' realz. A nurse came up in all dem minutes later.
"Jane, biatch? Yo ass betta hear me son?"
I looked towardz her n' shit. Da room started spinnin even more.
"Jane, I be yo' nurse, Jackie, I don't give a fuck how tha fuck ta say dis but, you crew took a dirt nap up in tha fire. I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit."
Tears started fallin down mah grill again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I sobbed.
"No honey, don't cry like a muthafucka. Yo ass won't be able ta breathe if you do."
I couldn't stop.
"Jane I be goin ta hit you wit suttin' ta help you quit trippin' up aiiiight?"
I felt suttin' run tha fuck into mah blood stream, then I fell tha fuck asleep again.
When I raised up again n' again n' again I could move mo' n' mah body wasn't as bandaged as dat shiznit was when I first woke up. I looked round n' saw dat mah room had flowers up in dat shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Some was fresh, some was dying. I tried ta git up but a nurse came up in n' put me back down.
"Easy Jane, you've been asleep fo' a while. Try ta take it easy as fuck ."
I tried ta speak. My fuckin voice came up rough, n' sandpapery. "How, how tha fuck long was I alseep?"
"Almost 2 weeks. Yo ass was put up in a medicinally induced coma up in order fo' yo' body ta heal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. I be tha same nurse you saw tha last time you woke up."
"Give me a mirror." I holla'd.
"Jane, I don't be thinkin thatz wi-"
"GET ME A MIRROR!"
I felt tha handle of a mirror git slipped tha fuck into mah hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! When I looked tha fuck into tha mirror I dropped up in onto tha floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Da shatterin of tha mirror didn't compare ta tha shatterin of mah realisation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. My fuckin skin was leathery n' brown, I didn't gotz a single afro on mah head, n' tha skin round mah eyes was saggy. I looked almost as wack as Jeff.
Everythang came floodin back fo' mah dirty ass. I fuckin started ta cry harder than I eva had before. Da nurse was huggin me be it didn't help much fo' realz. At tha height of mah sobbing, I was surprised dat no muthafucka else came up in ta check up on mah dirty ass. By tha time I was done, I could barely speak.
Someone came tha fuck into tha doorway.
"Excuse me, I gots a thugged-out delivery fo' a 'Miss Arkensaw'?"
"I be bout ta take them." Jackie stood up n' went ta tha doorway. I didn't want tha delivery muthafucka ta look all up in mah grill so I stared all up in tha wall up in front of mah dirty ass.
"Someone certainly cares bout you Jane. Well shiiiit, it be lookin like tha same thug whoz ass busted you all these flowers gots you a package like a muthafucka."
I looked round at her n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch was holdin a pink paper package tied wit brown string. I reached up n' took it from her n' shit. Da second I took dat package from her I knew suttin' was wrong.
"Excuse me but, could I have suttin' ta eat?" I axed as dopely as possible.
"Of course, I be bout ta git you some chicken right away." Jackie smiled back, then left tha room.
My fuckin handz shook as I grabbed tha strang n' pulled dat shit. Da paper lightly bounced up n' I saw suttin' dat turned mah blood ta ice. Dat shiznit was a white mask wit black round tha eyes n' a funky-ass black feminine smile. Well shiiiit, it also had black lace coverin tha eyeholez of tha mask, so even though one of mah thugs couldn't peep mah eyes, I could peep em. There was also a long, black dress wit a turtle neck, black gloves, n' a funky-ass black wig wit dope curls fo' realz. Along wit all these thangs, there was a funky-ass bouquet of black roses n' a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass sharp kitchen knife.
Attached ta tha mask there was also a note:
'"Jane, I be sorry as a muthafucka I messed up wit tryin ta make you dope naaahhmean, biatch? So I gave you a mask dat will let you seem dope until you git mo' betta n' shiznit fo' realz. Also you forgot yo' knife, I thought you would want it back."'
By tha time nurse Jackie came back, tha present was hidden under mah bed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I holla'd at her all dat was there was tha flowers. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch seemed ta be disgusted by dem so dat dunkadelic hoe threw dem out. I gave props ta her fo' dis shit.
That night, when mah playas was either asleep or gone home, I snuck out. Da only thang I had ta wear was dat dress. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So I put it on n' I found a pair of Nikes outside up in tha hallway, forgotten by some careless nurse. I wore tha wig ta look less inconspicuous.
I didn't give a fuck where I was going, n' I didn't care. When I finally stopped strutting, I was up in front of a cold-ass lil cemetery. I went inside n' found two tombstones. Isabelle Arkensaw n' Gregory Arkensaw. I sat down up in front of they tombstones n' cried once mo' n' mo' n' mo'. When I finally sat up, tha sun was beginin ta rise, n' so was a freshly smoked up chapta up in mah game. I took tha mask n' put it on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then picked up tha knife n' held it as tightly as I did before. Then I turned round n' looked all up in tha risin sun, on dat dizzle I sweared mah revenge against Jeff tha Killa n' donned mah freshly smoked up name "Jane Everlasting". For I want tha only thang ta be mo' everlastin fo' Jeff than his crazy-ass madnizz ta be his fuckin lil' dirtnap.
Ever since dat dizzle I done been tryin ta find Jeff n' bust a cap up in his muthafuckin ass.
Huntin his muthafuckin ass.
Huntin his ass like tha animal he is.
I'ma find you Jeff, n' I'ma bust a cap up in yo thugged-out ass.
As fo' tha photo dat has been poppin up of me saying: "Don't git all up in Sleep, Yo ass won't wake up" dat pretty much explains what tha fuck I wanna do wit Jeffz suckas, prevent dem from becomin suckas up in tha straight-up original gangsta place. Whoever holla'd dat I bust a cap up in dem so they don't git capped by Jeff be a gross overstatement.
So, dis is mah story. Whether you accept it as fact aint up fo' me ta decide. Now if you excuse me, tha sun is goin down, n' tha hunt is beginnin once more.