So do any of y'all remember dem Mickey Mouse cartoons from tha 1930s? Da ones dat was just put up on STD all dem muthafuckin years ago? Well, I hear there is one dat was unreleased ta even da most thugged-out avid funky-ass Deez'nuts fans.
Accordin ta sources, itz not a god damn thang special. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. It aint nuthin but just a cold-ass lil continuous loop (like Flintstones) of Mickey struttin past six buildings dat goes on fo' two or three minutes before fadin out. Unlike tha cutesy tunes put up in though, tha cold lil' woo wop on dis cartoon was not a cold lil' woo wop at all, just a cold-ass lil constant bangin on a piano fo' a minute n' a half before goin ta white noise fo' tha remainder of tha film.
It wasn't tha jolly oldschool Mickey we've come ta ludd either, Mickey wasn't ridin' dirty, not even smiling, just kind of struttin as if you or I was strutting, wit a aiiight facial expression yo, but fo' some reason his head tilted side ta side as he kept dis dismal look.
Up until a year or two ago, mah playas believed dat afta it cut ta black n' dat was dat shit. When Leonard Maltin was reviewin tha cartoon ta be put up in tha complete series, da neckbeard decided dat shiznit was too junk ta be on tha DVD yo, but wanted ta git a gangbangin' digital copy cuz of tha fact dat dat shiznit was a cold-ass lil creation of Walt. When dat schmoooove muthafucka had a finger-lickin' digitized version up on his computa ta peep tha file, he noticed something.
Da cartoon was straight-up 9 minutes n' 4 secondz long. This is what tha fuck mah source emailed ta me, up in full (he be a underground assistant of one of tha higher executives at Deez'nuts, n' acquaintizzle of Mista Muthafuckin Maltin his dirty ass):
"Afta it cut ta black, it stayed like dat until tha 6th minute, before goin back tha fuck into Mickey strutting. Da sound was different dis time. Dat shiznit was a murmur. Well shiiiit, it wasn't a language yo, but mo' like a gurgled cry like a muthafucka fo' realz. As tha noise gots mo' indistinguishable n' bangin over tha next minute, tha picture fuckin started ta git weird. Da sidewalk started ta go up in directions dat seemed impossible based on tha physics of Mickeys struttin fo' realz. And tha dismal grill of tha mouse was slowly curlin tha fuck into a smirk.
On tha 7th minute, tha murmur turned tha fuck into a funky-ass bloodcurdlin scream (the kind of scream fucked up ta hear) n' tha picture was gettin mo' obscure. Flavas was goin down dat shouldn't done been possible all up in tha time. Mickeyz grill fuckin started ta fall apart. his wild lil' fuckin eyes rolled on tha bottom of his chin like two marblez up in a gangbangin' fishbowl, n' his curled smile was pointin upward on tha left side of his wild lil' face.
Da buildings became rubble floatin up in midair n' tha sidewalk was still impossibly navigatin up in warped directions, all dem seemin inconceivable wit what tha fuck we, as humans, know bout direction. Mista Muthafuckin Maltin gots disturbed n' left tha room, bustin a hommie ta finish tha vizzle n' take notez of every last muthafuckin thang goin down up until tha last second, n' afterward immediately store tha disc of tha cartoon tha fuck into tha vault. This distorted beatboxin lasted until 8 minutes n' all dem secondz in, n' then it abruptly cuts ta tha Mickey Mouse grill all up in tha creditz of tha end of every last muthafuckin vizzle wit what tha fuck sounded like a gangbangin' fucked up noize box playin up in tha background.
This happened fo' bout 30 seconds, n' whatever was up in dat remainin 30 secondz I aint been able ta git a sliver of shiznit about. From a securitizzle guard hustlin under me whoz ass was makin roundz outside of dat room, I was holla'd at dat afta tha last frame, tha hommie stumbled outta tha room wit pale skin sayin "Real sufferin aint known" seven times before speedily takin tha guardz pistol n' offin his dirty ass on tha spot.
Da thang I could git outta Leonard Maltin was dat tha last frame was a piece of Russian text dat roughly holla'd "the sightz of hell brang its viewers back in" fo' realz. As far as I know, no one else has peeped it yo, but there done been dozenz of attempts at gettin tha file on rapidshare by hommies inside tha studios, all of whom done been promptly terminated of they thangs.
Whether it gots online or not is up fo' debate yo, but if rumors serve me right, itz online somewhere under "suicidemouse.avi". If you eva find a cold-ass lil copy of tha film, I want you ta never view it, n' ta contact me by beeper immediately, regardless of tha time. When a Deez'nuts Dirtnap is covered up as well as this, it means dis has ta be suttin' huge.
Git back at me,
I've yet ta find a cold-ass lil copy of dis yo, but it is up there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. I know dat shit.